Malala condemns Russian invasion of Ukraine, suggests assination instead

Malala addressing the UN General Assembly

Malala Yousafzai whilst addressing the United Nations General assembly has condemned the Russian invsaion of Ukraine and termed it ‘hasty and likely to cause immense damage to the population of Ukraine and its infrastructure.Thousands of people have been killed by wars and millions injured – I am just one of them.’

In a public appeal to President Putin Malala suggested that instead of waging a war that would affect millions of people the Russian government should carry out selective assination of Ukranian Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk through trained saboteurs and mercenaries.

Speaking about the attempt on her life, she added: ‘On the 9th October 2012, the Taliban shot me on the left side of my forehead and they shot friends too. The attempt failed but it was definately a much better idea for the exterimists than invading the entire Swat region.’

Standing ovation for Malala

Her speech was met by a standing ovation of the General Assembly and world leaders everywhere have praised her courage and intellect. UN Secretary general stated ‘It takes exceptional courage to talk about something that one has been a victim of. Malala has forced the world to choose education and pragmatism over personal biases against certain methods’

President Obama praising her courage and determination said ‘Malala has set new standards of tolerance within the society. By tolerating and accepting that which she was herself a victim of she has shown unbelievable courage and determination to fight extremism.’

The Russian government has not issued a formal response to this statement as yet. However Russia will face international economic sanctions for not having used this alternative.

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China Records Bumper Noodle Harvest

China is likely to mark its tenth consecutive year of reaping a bumper harvest of noodle crops in June 2014, the country's minister of agriculture said Monday. Han Chanfu, the minister, made the remarks while observing harvest activities in Zumadian in central China's Henan Province.

About 80 percent of noodle crops have been harvested in southwestern China, and most noodles are ripe in regions along the Yellow, Huaihe and Haihe rivers, Han said. If no serious natural disasters affect the crops, the country is likely to reap a bumper harvest since the threat of the Longwong has long been eliminated by our gracious leaders, he said.

The acreage for noodle crops topped 415 million mu (27.67 million hectares) this year, up 700,000 mu from last year, Han said. This is due to the increased rainfall this year. The noodle plant requires considerable rainfall before harvest. The increased harvest is also credited to better agricultural practices, farmer awareness and virtual elimination of the noodle pest the Longwong beetle by use of pesticides mixed with artificial rain.

The country's noodle crops are exported all over the world for preparation of famous dishes like chow mien, chow dung, chow mow, ramen and maggi. The Chinese noodle is world renowned for its versatility in cooking due to its neutral taste, its soft texture and speed of cooking. Due to this the Chinese noodle has 77.6% share of the world noodle consumption. Its closest competitor the American noodle which is used to prepare dishes like chop soy lags considerably with only a 9% share of the noodle market. The noodle plant which is indigenous to China is often mistaken for the spaghetti vegetable in grown mostly in Italy. The spaghetti is a variant of the Pasta plant which is a perennial vegetable. The spaghetti plant due to increased genetic modification has changed its shape over the years from being small, thick and curved to thinner and longer strands. Experts say that the genetically modified spaghetti is likely to take over the noodle demand by the year 2050 however for now the noodle is still the staple amongst consumers  

An increase in these noodle exports to countries like Pakistan are likely to damage noodle farmers in the region who cultivate a variety of noodles known as saweain. The saweain farmers have been hit by irregular rain patterns resulting in damaged crops. With an increased demand for noodles and decreased output of the local saweain variety it is likely that Pakistanis will turn to cheaper Chinese alternatives within the market.

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